i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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