I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize