so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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