i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You ruined the universe
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
