he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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