I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
