Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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