dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
