How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
