No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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