Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
