Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
they need to just BURY HIM!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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