I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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