i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize