you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
being pregnant is like rehab
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
