I CAN MOONWALK!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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