I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
