You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have post one night stand depression
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
