Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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