Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
