Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
