she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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