i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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