Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
