i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
