Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
