I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do herpes really smell.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
