I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
