UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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