Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
