He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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