i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
