why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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