i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
