Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
