I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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