Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize