Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
