2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
