She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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