hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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