It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
