Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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