My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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