totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
