Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
