Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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