Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
