i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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