WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Someone came in the potted fern
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
