So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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