and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
