i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
