I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
