i would punch a child for taco bell
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
