I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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