It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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