Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
