yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
