i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
