apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
