Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
