dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
