someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
