I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
