We won't sleep together?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
