Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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