amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
