i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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