im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
